...passions, ambitions. i used to have these things, but no more.
i dreamt that one day i would be a food connoisseur and be able to travel the world on a culinary tour. now i'm just happy if i could get by the day with a bowl of ramen noodles.
i was passionate about serving and helping the needy. now i'm just happy to blend in with the crowd and remain inactive.
i once was ambitious in doing my best and not settling for less. now i'm just happy to pass and scrape by the daily grinds.
the flames of life is easily quenched by the waters of mediocrity. but oh so comfortable is that pillow of complacency. how painless it is to just meet the status quo. being average has its appeal...you're not at the bottom of the bucket as to feel bad about yourself, but you're not so good that it goes to your head. how can one stand out if there's always someone better than you? can anyone stand out and be counted at all?
i argue, no matter what we do we will only be average and sublime. there's no escaping the fence-sitting mentality of this world by our own powers. thankfully there is One who is more significant than us to make us more than mere monotomy. ...we were meant to live for so much more, have we lost ourselves?
Sunday, March 12, 2006
more tomorrow than today | 1:52 AM |
i have a confession to make. i really enjoy watching cartoons on YTV...YuGiOh...Dragonball...and just recently, Naruto.
Now, i think cartoons have the best romantic storylines ever (see Full Metal Alchemist). it's like a real soap opera, but not real...and not really an opera. but soaps are sometimes involved.
why do i lurve watchin' Naruto oh so very much? is it cause of the fighting? the cool artworks and effects? nay, it's cause it's a story full of geometric love triangles and romantic plot webs. as a biochemist...i have a non-existent love life which equates to living viscariously through the love lives of animated characters.
so the story that i'm trying to follow on Naruto...is the relationship between that of Hinata and Naruto. see, Hinata is a fair maiden who is madly in lurve with Naruto...yet Naruto (being a thick headed dood like all doods are) does not know of this or have the slightless clue. i am quite eager to see how the plot unfolds...will Hinata have the courage to confess her lurve to Naruto? will Naruto opens his eyes and see the fair maiden in front of him?
then i started wondering...
hmmm...i wonder if i'm like naruto and there's a super duper cool fair maiden that has an uber crush on me (probability of this happening is...z-e-r-o) but i'm too dense to realize it? or maybe...i'm like Hinata and have a super duper uber crush on some girl but am too chicken to tell her.
shallow posts speak to an inner struggle of a deeper magnitude.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
more tomorrow than today | 12:47 AM |
nothing deep, spiritual or thought-provocating... ...just some observations from a personal experience...
i have mad respect for fair maidens that use the razor. lemme elaborate.
once upon a time when i was in gr. 8...i got my first electronic shaver. it's been with me thru thick and thin, good times and bad times, we've even travelled the continent together. However my Electronic Shaver (whom we'll refer to as 'essie' from now on) kicked the bucket earlier this week.
it was a brilliantly beautiful morning when i woke up and greeted essie with a smile. but this morning, something was different...essie was not behaving essie's normal self. at first it was the clanking noise against the mesh screen, then a high pitched scream, i tried to calm essie down but essie's temperament flared. she stopped breathing. i desperately tried to save essie, CPR, PRC, HPLC...but to no avail. a few swirls later, essie went game over. yes, just like that...a relationship of 8 years ended abruptly. quietly i shed a few tears and gave essie a farewell kiss.
i didn't know of a store in UW to get a new essie...so i thought, hey...let's go with the good ol' gilette razor...it can't be that hard to use.
yea, i was wrong.
see...i prided myself as a manly man because a man's fortitude is measured by the frequency at which he shaves. and i shave everyday. i get my 5 o'clock shadow at 3pm. so i buy a razor...borrowed some shaving cream and i was off to my merry ways. as i gracefully took the first stroke across my mark of manliness....i felt every epidermal cell on my face tear, ripe and crackle into a billion pieces. it was the sensation of a thousand tweezers pulling simultaneously. i took another stroke, this time it hurt even more. i'm like...'interesting...maybe if i keep going my skin will de-sensitize'. it didn't.
at the end of the excursion, i was left with uneven patches, blisters and a broken pride. i'm a man and i cannot master the proper use and functionality of a non-electric razor. it was almost as sad as the moment that essie left me.
so hence...i have much respect and admiration for fair maidens who are womanly woman and shave everyday with a razor and not cut themselves or have uneven patches. they shave their arms, legs, moustaches and armpits...and that's a lot of surface that they're covering and subjecting to the 'gilette' torture. see, i'm glad i'm a guy cause i don't needa shave my legs (hair on legs = another mark of manliness).
imma gonna get me a new essie asap...no more razors...and waxing is definately outta the question.
and the princess and the prince lived happily ever after. the end.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
more tomorrow than today | 11:56 PM |
"Learning of our weakness teaches us to lean on God's strength."
Goals:
1. i want to get to know ______ better. 2. i want to be better at ______ . 3. i need to be more like _______ in all that i do. 4. i want to be a better _______ and a better ______. 5. i want to let _______ how i ______ about ______ .
i lurve settin' ambiguously specific goals. It's so cryptic i don't even know what they are.
Monday, March 06, 2006
more tomorrow than today | 7:48 PM |
Learnin' to Breath...
i can safely say that the past few weeks have been miserable...as i felt my spiritual state waste away like tofu ice cream in the sun. the past little while i did not enjoy life too much as i was being suffocated by the grip of academia...reports, exams, assignments, exams, reports, job search...i've truly lost sight of the main purpose in life. i focused on no one else besides my own studies. i couldn't even eat a meal without the constant reminder of a lurking task that i needed to do or another section that i had to study for.
it was this time that i reached the epitome of self-centeredness. caring about no one but myself. however, His grace broke thru.
yesterday during service, God used a fellow sister who was recently baptized to speak volumes to my state of stupidity. she told me that this was her first time participating in a (protestant) communion on communion sunday. in worship she beamed so radiantly...i could almost see God's love just through her smile. the excitement from her during communion was ridiculously contagious as she was so eager to participate.
i was like...wow, when was the last time i was this EXCITED to be in the presence of God and fellowshipping with other believers? when was the last time i was so JOYFUL that i couldn't contain my smile? it's been too long, a day without God feels like an eternity in darkness.
***
had a talk with housemate last night...it's not so much of us getting stronger to fight temptations...cause no matter how strong we become we'll still have weaknesses. it's more of...asking God to change our character...so that temptatious situations will lose its appeal...as our new character seeks Him solely.
