Wednesday, February 01, 2006
How to remain single on Valentine's day...
...as i walked into the student life centre yesterday with my buddies, i was bombarded with an assorted array of flowers, gifts and lil' trinkets for your "loved" one on V-day. i was infinitessimally close to buying one of them long stemmed roses...until i realized, i haven't anyone to give it to. then i got depressed and decided to work on my physical biochem assignment for the rest of the afternoon to cheer myself up.
that got me thinking: with all this commercializing for V-day and the pressure mounting to give something to a certain someone...i've decided to come up with a strategy so that we will not fall into the temptation of buying random long stemmed roses for no reason.
just remain single.
yes, it's that simple. and here are five simpler ways to remain single for Valentine's Day:
5. pee in your pants. no ladies will stand 10 feet near you as you walk around with the aromatic smell of urea hanging around your pant legs.
4. use the line "If you were a booger, I'd pick you" on the girl you have a crush on, then proceed to pick a golden nugget outta your nose and hand it to her on a silver platter.
3. walk around in a bikini brief while sporting a unibrow. wink at anyone who decides to stare at you and proceed to blow a kiss.
2. eat lotsa beans the night before, then during your morning class sit next to a fair maiden and expel some CH4 and H2S biogas production that have accumulated overnight. then loudly proclaim that it was the fair maiden who did it.
1. be a NERK (nerd + jerk)...ie. if you're the author of this post you'll probably be single by default.
and we're done. beauty!
"Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion for the matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." [Ecclisiastes 12:13-14]
