Reveries and Passions
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
more tomorrow than today | 10:30 PM |

Question...

I've been thinking about many things lately but one thing in particular keeps running around in my mind. It's the ever taunting question of "Do I really believe in what I say I believe in?"

I used to pride myself in being the "intellectual" type...thinking more with my head than my heart. I like dissecting things with my brain cells...contemplating...hypothesising...but now it has become my downfall.

I know I can't rely on emotions, but how much more can I rely on my own common sense? I find myself in the struggle of finding true faith. Have what I've been telling others in first year of university really what I truly believe? Am I just living the "lifestyle" just so that I can prove my point and stick out, or because I truly believe this is the way to live? How about throwing in a few Christian jargons in daily conversations with non-believers just to sound "spiritual"?

Maybe it's a fascade I've been trying to put up, or perhaps it was truly sincere? Either way, I know that I'll need to do something that I haven't done in a while...make a decision from my heart. From the soul, the very essence that'll carry into eternity. With it...I have to decide. This life or the next, which will be paradise...which will be hell.

Anyways, that's just the tip of the iceberg of pondering wondering in me.
Think of it as a taste test, a sample if you will.