Reveries and Passions
Thursday, May 13, 2004
more tomorrow than today | 10:31 AM |

"Should've...would've...but didn't..." - the story of my life


Well, yesterday was a pretty depressing day for me...I don't think I've been that down in a long while. I failed my road test cause of a stupid mistake when doing a lane change. So yeah, at first I was pretty pissed off when I failed...then once I got home I got really pissed off. I know it isn't that big of a deal...but for some reason...I just started balling when I got home. I just couldn't help but feel stupid and how unfair the situation was. It's not like I didn't know how to drive, it was cause of a stupid split decision I made. Then again, I think it was my pride that got hurt the most. If I had waited about 10 extra seconds, I would've passed.

Anywho, for the rest of the day I just didn't feel like talking to anyone or do anything except sleep and watch the food network.

So yeah, before going to bed...I laid awake thinking of all the things that I've regretted doing in the past (as far as I could remember anyways). Since grade one to first year of university...if I had made one conscious decision to not do a thing, then a lot of my future habits would've been prevented. If I had chose to honour God more than myself, I would've been a better vessel for Him to use. I wish I had a different mindset as a child...I was a pretty selfish kid, and I think as a result I still haven't learned to live selflessly. With that said, boy oh boy, was my pride busted open yesterday.

Many regrets, many things I wished I didn't do, many things I wish I did do...
"Should've...would've...but didn't..."

Ironically, I find myself focusing more on the smaller temporal situations than the bigger eternal ones. I had to bring myself back to reality and realize that God's plan still happens...with or without me...everything will still happen with or without me. I'm a small character in the whole play, the show still goes on!

"You must increase I must decrease Lord."